Why I hate being girly
I have discovered lately, that I am, indeed, one of these women that I make fun of. A "girly" girl. I have never been girly in my life, I am the tom-boy that used to climb trees, swears like a sailor and play poker and drinks with the men-folk. So what is it that turned me all frilly? A man...stupid men.
I have been attracted to a lot of different guys. Tall, short, pudgy, ripped....whatever. I don't really have a type, and the attraction doesn't usually last passed the first conversation where I say something like, " I like to read fiction stories, watch CSI and Law and Order and I love to cook." and they respond "I like beef". Men drive me insane. I had long ago given up hope of meeting anyone who held my interest for more than a few seconds, until one day a few years ago, I met Christopher.
I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was a smarty-pants who liked to be the superior-knowledge-....well, person. I started listening to him...and watching as he spoke. He wasn't egostical, he hated ignorance. He wasn't trying to one-up you, he was trying to INFORM you. I liked that. Even when he disagrees with you, the conversation is informative because he knows his shit. I find that very appealling. He is smart, thoughtful, cute, sexy....and he loves animals. That cinched it. Boy loves his dog so damn much, it is adorable. Of course, this is leads to my problem.
I am his friend, and I value that a lot. If I asked him out, he could either 1) Say no, and then shit would be awkward between us forever. 2) He could say yes, and I find out I don't really like him as much as I did in my head. 3) He says yes, we get along great and have beautiful babies, a nice house and a few dogs. What's a girl to do?
Right now, I have decided to leave it alone. Stay his friend and appreciate it. I still stare at him a little, and I giggle when he makes jokes, but I think that I have decided one crucial point: I don't think I am good enough for him. I don't say this for sympathy, and yes I know that it is very self-depricating, but true nonetheless. I am not in good shape, I am a financial moron and he deserves better than that. I can't even take care of myself, let alone be a help to him. Sad, but true. I am planning to work on my issues, while slowly getting closer (as a friend) to him. Seems safest for both of us...but it sucks ass, huh?
I have been attracted to a lot of different guys. Tall, short, pudgy, ripped....whatever. I don't really have a type, and the attraction doesn't usually last passed the first conversation where I say something like, " I like to read fiction stories, watch CSI and Law and Order and I love to cook." and they respond "I like beef". Men drive me insane. I had long ago given up hope of meeting anyone who held my interest for more than a few seconds, until one day a few years ago, I met Christopher.
I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was a smarty-pants who liked to be the superior-knowledge-....well, person. I started listening to him...and watching as he spoke. He wasn't egostical, he hated ignorance. He wasn't trying to one-up you, he was trying to INFORM you. I liked that. Even when he disagrees with you, the conversation is informative because he knows his shit. I find that very appealling. He is smart, thoughtful, cute, sexy....and he loves animals. That cinched it. Boy loves his dog so damn much, it is adorable. Of course, this is leads to my problem.
I am his friend, and I value that a lot. If I asked him out, he could either 1) Say no, and then shit would be awkward between us forever. 2) He could say yes, and I find out I don't really like him as much as I did in my head. 3) He says yes, we get along great and have beautiful babies, a nice house and a few dogs. What's a girl to do?
Right now, I have decided to leave it alone. Stay his friend and appreciate it. I still stare at him a little, and I giggle when he makes jokes, but I think that I have decided one crucial point: I don't think I am good enough for him. I don't say this for sympathy, and yes I know that it is very self-depricating, but true nonetheless. I am not in good shape, I am a financial moron and he deserves better than that. I can't even take care of myself, let alone be a help to him. Sad, but true. I am planning to work on my issues, while slowly getting closer (as a friend) to him. Seems safest for both of us...but it sucks ass, huh?
posted by Gibulet @ 11:45 AM
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